How to Fight With Your Partner

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship - they’re part of sharing your life with another person. It's not the absence of conflict that determines the health of a relationship, but how that conflict is handled. The most resilient couples understand that when conflict arises, it's them versus the problem—not each other. They don't shy away from arguments; instead, they navigate them constructively. It can be difficult to argue constructively, especially if your feelings are hurt and emotions are running high, but there are language and tactics you can work on incorporating to help your arguments strengthen your bond rather than weaken it.

First and Foremost: Argue With Respect

Arguments can escalate quickly when respect is thrown out the window. Avoid using hurtful language—cursing, name-calling, mocking, or belittling only serves to hurt your partner and drive a wedge between you. Harmful words flung in the heat of the moment can be very difficult to take back later. Maintaining respect will prevent resentment and lasting damage.

Share Your Feelings

Being vulnerable can be scary, but openly sharing your feelings allows your partner to see things from your perspective and understand your reactions better. Use "I feel" statements to express yourself without placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, "You’re making me feel ignored," try, "I feel neglected when chores are left for me to handle alone." This approach fosters understanding rather than defensiveness.

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Take a Pause When Needed

Emotions can run high during an argument, leading to hurtful exchanges that neither of you mean. Recognizing when to take a break and cool down can prevent a lot of unnecessary hurt. Phrases like "I need to calm down," or "Can we take a pause?" can be incredibly beneficial. If your partner is the one asking for a pause, don’t try to convince them to keep going.

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Admitting fault when you’ve said or done something hurtful is crucial for healing and moving forward. A sincere apology shows your partner that you value their feelings and are committed to the relationship. Phrases like "I overreacted, I’m sorry," can opemn the door to reconciliation.

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Stubbornly sticking to your guns with no willingness to see your partner’s perspective leads nowhere. Remember, if an argument is only about who's right and who's wrong, then you both lose. Strive for compromise and be open to meeting in the middle by asking “How can we compromise here?”

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Acknowledge Them

It may be an argument, but try to inject some positivity when appropriate. Recognizing your partner's efforts or qualities you love about them can turn a potential battleground into a platform for growth and deepening connection. Express appreciation for their willingness to engage and find solutions together. After all, you’re on the same team!

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Explore Couple’s Therapy at Medens Health

Navigating conflicts in a relationship isn't always straightforward, and sometimes, despite your best efforts, you might find yourselves stuck. This is where Medens Health can step in. Our couple’s counseling services are designed to provide you with the tools and strategies to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts constructively, and strengthen your bond. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship. With support, you and your partner can find your way back to each other, stronger than ever.

Medens Health offers virtual couples therapy across the US and in-person sessions in CA & NV. Call or text us at (833) 624-5400, fill out our contact form, or get started here.


The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.

If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.