How To Improve Your Relationship With Healthy Arguments

In relationships, disagreements are inevitable. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Arguing has developed a bad reputation because when it's done poorly, it can become a frequent or hurtful experience. In healthy relationships, however, arguing can actually strengthen your relationship. When disagreements are met with respect and genuine interest in the other person’s perspective, arguing can be one of the best opportunities you have to improve your communication, gain a deeper understanding of your partner, solve problems, and even learn more about yourself. Studies have even shown that amicable arguing creates higher levels of intimacy and feelings of closeness after resolution.
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The Benefits of Arguing
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• You understand each other better - The more you understand your partner, the deeper of a connection you will have. Arguing gives you and your partner an opportunity to ask questions and learn about each other's past experiences, expectations, and perspectives. When done respectfully, you and your partner can develop a more united front on important topics such as money management, parenting, household responsibilities, desires, dreams for the future, and more.
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• Increases connection and trust - Understanding your partner better will help you form a deeper connection and build more trust. Both of these traits will be valuable assets in the face of disagreements.
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• Strengthening communication - Avoiding arguments means that you are likely keeping your problem or difference of opinion bottled up inside, which will cause frustration and resentment. The more you express your feelings and have discussions with your partner, the more you’ll find these open conversations becoming easier. Many times this leads to having productive conversations before it turns into an argument.
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Bringing Your A-Game

This is not as vindictive as it may sound. A good argument can’t happen if you’re not ready for it to happen. Here are some tips you can use to help turn your disagreements into a positive experience for both you and your partner.

• Cool down first - A common mistake people make when they argue is that they do it when their emotions are high. Even if it means stepping away from a situation for a few minutes, it’s better to approach an argument with a level head than with raw emotions. Be aware of your and your partner’s emotions as well. They may need more time than you do to calm down and prepare to talk about the troubling subject or situation.
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• Be respectful - This includes recognizing pain points and sensitive subjects. Avoid bringing up the past if it isn’t relative to the current situation—and always avoid insults and name-calling as they add no value to the conversation and are only really intended to be hurtful to your partner. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, angry, or over-emotional, suggest pausing the argument and taking a break to calm down.
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• Keep an open mind - Remember that you and your partner are on the same team. Disagreements are expected but there is always a way to come together on a solution—even if it takes some time and brainstorming to find that solution. Always keep an open mind to your partner’s thoughts and ideas.
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• Be understanding - No one is born with an innate ability to communicate perfectly. And many people struggle with opening up to their partners even when they want to, depending on their past experiences. One way you and your partner can argue with each other better is to understand each other’s attachment style.

Having productive disagreements can help you discover unexpected ways of connecting and ideas for creating the life you both dream of having. Following these tips are a great starting point for turning your arguments into a productive way of settling disagreements and learning more about each other.
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Couple’s Therapy in CA & NV

Couple’s therapy is another great way to learn about each other and learn how to have a respectful argument. In fact, research shows that couple’s who attend couple’s therapy before problems arise, settle arguments faster, have more physical intimacy, and have a lower divorce rate. Another reason why couples choose to attend therapy together is when arguments are so monumental, that you need an unbiased mediator to help you navigate the resolution. In either case, Medens Health has licensed therapists who are ready to help. If you or someone you know is in the California or Nevada areas and want to achieve a deeper connection with your partner through couple’s therapy, reach out to us by phone or text at (833) 624-5400, or by filling out our online contact form.

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}