Do you find yourself getting angry more often than you'd like? Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions. It often gets labeled as “bad” or “unhealthy,” when in reality, anger is a normal and deeply human response. The problem isn’t anger itself—it’s what we do with it, and whether we take time to understand what’s really going on underneath.
At Medens Health, we work with many individuals who feel stuck in cycles of frustration, tension, and reactive anger. Let’s take a closer look at what anger really is, where it comes from, and how you can begin to respond to it in a healthier, more empowered way.
Anger is an emotional response that often arises when we feel threatened, misunderstood, disrespected, or powerless. It can show up as frustration, agitation, rage, or even numb detachment. While it’s easy to view anger as a “problem” emotion, it actually plays an important role: it lets us know when something feels wrong.
But here's the key: anger is rarely a standalone feeling. It's often called a secondary emotion—a response that kicks in to protect more vulnerable emotions hiding beneath the surface.
Think of anger like the tip of an iceberg. Underneath, there’s often a whole world of emotional experiences that hasn’t yet been named or expressed.
Beneath your anger, you might find:
Anger can feel safer than those emotions. It creates a sense of power, energy, and urgency. But if we only focus on the anger and never get curious about what’s underneath, we miss the chance to truly heal.
If you’re often angry, it might be a sign that your deeper emotional needs aren’t being met—or that old wounds are still shaping how you respond to stress. Here are just a few common patterns we see:
Anger can be a learned survival response, but it doesn’t have to run the show forever.
If anger is showing up regularly, it’s worth paying attention to—not to shame yourself, but to get curious about what your mind and body are trying to tell you.
Here are some supportive ways to begin working with your anger:
Before reacting, take a moment to ask: What am I really feeling right now? Try to name it. “I’m angry” might become “I feel disrespected,” “I’m scared,” or “I feel unimportant.” Naming the feeling gives you more control over how you respond to it.
Write it out. Take a walk. Say to yourself, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need a minute to cool down.” Expressing anger doesn’t have to mean yelling or shutting down—it can mean finding a healthy outlet that honors your emotions without harming yourself or others.
Anger often signals a need that’s not being met: the need for boundaries, respect, rest, clarity, connection, or safety. Ask yourself: What do I need right now? Then take a small step to address that need—whether it’s speaking up, setting a limit, or simply taking a break.
When your nervous system is on high alert, grounding your body can help bring you back to center. Try:
If anger is interfering with your relationships, work, or sense of peace, therapy can help you explore the root of the anger and build healthier patterns. You don’t need to handle this alone.
A therapist can help you uncover the real emotions beneath your anger as you work together to identify patterns in how and when it shows up. They may help you identify past experiences that are continuing to influence how you respond in the present. They can also help you practice new skills for emotional regulation and communication. Most importantly, therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to feel heard and supported—especially if you’ve been told your anger is “too much” or “unreasonable.”
If you’re frequently angry, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or “out of control.” It means something deeper is asking for your attention. The providers at Medens Health are here to help. We offer compassionate, personalized support to help you work through anger and the emotions underneath it. With the right support, you can develop new tools to manage your anger, understand yourself more deeply, and respond in ways that feel grounded, calm, and true to who you want to be.
Get started here, call or text (833) 624-5400, or fill out our contact form today!
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information this blog provides is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.
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